First of all I need to make a can't think of the word, but be clear about something. I am not and never will defend any unlawful sexual acts, PARTICUARLY against children or vulnerable adults.
But, I have come under fire in the past, (though for the life of me can't remember who by for sure) for not hanging Michael Jackson out to dry, at the first whiff or scandal, or without the charges against him being proved, or his being found guilty after being tried in a court of law. Yet, its not because I have any sympathy, or would ever think it justifiable no matter what anyone may suffer or experience, to hurt another human being, particuarly a child in the way he is alleged to have done.
But, I saw a documentary about Michael J. And true, it wasn't concentrating, (while not omitting altogether) his controversy of the last few years, in these sex scandal cases. It was talking about his life and music. And to be honest, much as the other times, I've seen factual footage on Michael J, my heart went out to him. Probably because unlike most "normal" people in many of the things that have made him how he is, (I'm talking about his strangeness) I relate and empathise in a very real way. I know those emotions, those things trapped inside that can only leave a fragmented human being.
Michale J, lost his childhood when he was nine years old. From that time on, he was no longer a normal, ordinary kid. Neither was I from exactly the same age, and my childhood also disappeared at that time. When he was nine years old, he sang love songs with such emotion, such depth of feeling, you'd swear he knew what the emotion of the love song entailed, yet at that age, particuarly in that era, how could he? Love songs don't have to have a sexual or man/woman meaning. They can still break your heart for having none of it. They did for Michael J, one could tell by the emotion that came out of his soul, and they do for me too even now, in exactly the same kind of way. No sexual meaning, but, the emotions that any relationship or wants in life can leave us with.
They said as he grew older he became introverted, and the only way he knew how to communicate was in the moment, of singing to his audiences. This is something else we share. My whacky, often raucous sense of humour can keep people laughing when I seem to be dying a thousand deaths inside. And yet, to make someone laugh, is one of the few times I feel alive. Its the entertainer in me which strongly predominates my personality type The rest of the moments can be dull and listless, and meaningless, but communicating, and entertaining someone by doing so, is my life blood, and one of the few times I feel alive. Its why the circumstances of my life and isolation prove to be so fatalistic in the way it bears down on me.
But, Michael J, along the way, strove for normality, its the thing he desired more than anything else. And like me too, he;'s never found or attained it. Oh, I'm not crazy, but, I'm not like you, or likely any one else you may know, I'm not most folks idea of normal. I still have the child that never got a chance to be released bursting out when I least expect them to, and in some ways remain the same as Michael J, a Peter Pan kind of figure, and people I know personally have referred to me as such, though not in a derogatory way, they were being kind. Doesn't Michael Jackson also have the Peter Pan in him?
MIchael J, was robbed of normality, by you, and me, and motown and the industry and lifestyle that was forced upon him at an age when he had no choice in the path his life took. My normality was robbed by a life of adversity and a psychiactric system, that I am still paying the cost for what they took in various ways day to day. Being labelled schizoprenic at nine years old, being just one example, and another being the 12-15 years all told, I spent inside those psyche hospitals, from nine years old onwards. I lost everything normal that life can hold, to some other or parallel universe that no child should have to exist or survive in.
Whether the stories of Michael J's later controversies hold any water or not, I genuinely beleive the man has great compassion, for other hurting human beings. (and animals come to that). His heal the world single being just one example of what can be done, when a heart that belongs to someone significant enough to wield the power can do, in trying to reduce poverty in the third world.
He always has to go one better in his life. His tours became more and more spectacular. His Dangerous tour cost him a fortune, it was a huge success, but it was so extravagant he ended up writing a huge cheque to support it, and finance it, because he wanted it to be perfect for his fans. He wants to give when he entertains, and he finds it fulfilling, because its the one time he can communicate in a way that makes him feel normal.
Michael J, may be strange, and not your idea of normal, but, how could he be? Would you be if you had lived a life similar to his or mine? Would you live in the real world, and be so in touch with reality as you are, or would you need somewhere in your head to escape to, that felt normal to you, but the inside your head often developed to be part of the world you exist and come into the outside. And No, I'm not talking psyche stuff here, I'm talking about perfectly natural human reactions to, horrendously abnormal life and circumstances.
Michael J, will never be normal. And neither will I. At least not your idea of normal. Maybe if these allegations of Michael J, do hold any water, and do have some foundation, I am not willing to openly condemn the man, without the charges being proved, (even though theres rarely smoke without fire) because maybe, just maybe, if not for the grace of God, in my life, I could have gone down an equally hideous path as those allegations suggest his has, and because I am so aware of this, by the stark similarities in life, and expereinces, and losses, (though obviously different in some ways) that I see it more than you. That Michael J, maybe mega rich, but he's just another damaged, hurting, human being. And I won't take advantage of his hurt, when the allegations have not been proved, because unlike your normal world, I know what it is to have an abnormal world from nine years onwards, and know what it is to try to hold onto reality, when your reality is different to all your peers, and I will not shoot someone, who despite his riches, hurts every inch as much as I do or have at times, and is just as lonely, and trapped within something that was made by others, and is impossible at his age to escape from, because, his world, is more normal to me, than yours probably is. And maybe, I see up close and personal, how his life being changed at an age when he had no say in it, meant he never stood a chance of being your idea of normal. He was always going to be an under-dog by its very nature. To me, kicking Michael Jackson, feels no better than kicking a puppy, just because I can.
