I could not believe on getting up this morning that I had the first of the X-mass advertising land through my letter box. Yawn, Personally I think this audio byte says it all:
Archive for August, 2006
Merry X-mass
August 31, 2006I love this singer…
August 31, 2006Playing on my side-bar today. The second song, closest thing to crazy, speaks to me in a very real way, God's providence left me crazy for many years once before, it feels sometimes only a matter of time before it may again, I know I was never crazy on my own, and that's not said bitterly or against God, we all have painful things in our lives, but, right now, this one with the lyrics, seems to say it all. How I feel abandoned by life, everyone, even God right now.
Download audio file (icried4.MP3)
You're beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you
But others pass, they never pause
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you're like a wild rose
They never understand why
I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
I'll cross the sea for a different world
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold
In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met
They may not know
How much you meant to me
I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
Without you now I see
How fragile the world can be
And I know you've gone away
But in my heart you'll always stay
I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
Download audio file (closest.mp3)
The most pathetic, pitiful man I know of
August 30, 2006I am usually the first to condemn anyone who harms children. Yet there in an English man in prison in Greece, who when I saw him on the news tonight, my heart stirred with pity and compassion. I've never seen such a pathetic, pitiful figure, so much so, I wept at the sight. The man tried to kill himself with his children in his arms, he jumped from somewhere and in doing so, badly damaged his own body, and killed his young son. He could barely walk, he couldn't stop sobbing, and this was no act, all he could say through body wracking sobs, was one word, "sorry" over and over again. Depression runs in his family, two of his brothers killed themselves, the man is utterly broken, in a way not many folks will recognize in a way they have ever been at a similar place, and I hate that his child died, but, my heart goes out to him, in a very real way. Because he is an utterly, pathetic figure and a one hundred per cent broken human being. Even the news casters who will normally jump on the bandwagon of condemning child killers, only felt compassion to him for the sight he presented. May God have mercy on him.
Related Entries
A drunk on my sofa
August 30, 2006I had a drunk on my doorstep last night, (a few blogs ago speaks to this). It bothers me for reasons that have very little to do with the alcohol itself, but internal reasons, that I will leave out of the equation. Its becoming a habit at times, sometimes almost nightly. The best suggestion I have heard thus far, is that when they ring my front door bell, for me to ask them via the entry system to recite some suitable tongue twister, and if they can say it then I will let them in!
On a different, more realistic note, I'm lower than I ever recall. Having no one in this world, is the worst feeling I know, especially with the additional issues of having this illness. Any readers who want to pray for me, it would be appreciated, as I've been on the floor about a week now, and right now, have no idea how to get back up. The isolation I am in, adds to it all in a number of ways. Its a vicious cycle in some ways.
When we becomes I
August 30, 2006I wonder when one says stopping "We" or "ours" when we becomes I, because the other person who made the "we" or "ours" has gone. I find every time without exception I say "we" or "ours", referring to my dad and mine. One of my neighbours tumble dryer broke, I told her she could use "ours" if she needed to. As soon as the word is spoken in whatever situation brings it out, I realize there is no longer a we or an ours, just and I, and mine. But, doubt after never living apart during my entire life time except for hospitalizations, I will ever really get used to not using the "we" or "ours" words.
I have a drink problem…
August 29, 2006No not me! I don't like the taste of the stuff, though I could have gotten into baileys cream at one time, but it was probably providential that I didn't given my dodgy liver. But, I have never known anyone in actual life who has a drink problem, until now. It wouldn't be fitting or proper to say too much on my blog, but, when family members are telling them they have a drink problem and they are in denial, and you've seen evidence of there being a problem yourself, even though you are not family, you know that denial is something that cannot be gotten through by you. All you can do is pray for them, and their family, if children are involved its particuarly heart-breaking. I think we all have denial in our lives about some things, but from what little I know of alcohol abuse, its a particuarly destructive thing. And while you don't want to close your door, stepping back and keeping a distance sometimes, seems to be the only thing you can do, except to pray.
Free Audio Bible
August 29, 2006I thought this maybe a useful link, a free audio bible to download. If like me, you need the speakers voice to not be a certain way for it to get into your mind/heart, then I cannot vouch for this source, having not yet tried it. I must say out of all the audio bible readers, Max MacClean gets my vote as most preferred. But, he can be pricey to buy, and something I've not yet gotten around to. But, for anyone who may need an audio bible for whatever reason, this maybe a useful tool, especially in light of it being free.
Just to be different
August 28, 2006Hier stehe ich, ich kann keinen anderen tun
That's a sentence I have been trying to say to myself a lot recently, only I say it in English of course, that is in its original language of first spoken, anyone take a guess what it says? I am not unilateral, I can't speak more than English, but, with a little help from this or that, most things can be achieved.
So, go on, make my day, have a guess. They're famous words in Christianity, in their original language. (there is a clue there, as the language is not hard to recognize). I'm wondering if this maybe too easy, just cos I only speak English lots of folks don't, but, its all I got for now.
Hard Weekend…
August 28, 2006But:
I'm not sure why but this song playing on my blog has been on my mind for a few weeks. It used to be one of the sad songs I listened to years ago, and weep a lot at the emotions it wrought up, even though I've never experienced anything like in the song. At least no in marriage etc. But, somewhere this song relates to things and stirs my soul with feelings I've felt over many years through life.
Download audio file (lately.mp3)
1st verse:
Lately I have had this strangest feeling,
with no vivd reasons here to find.
Yet the thought of losing's been hanging, round my mind…
Far more frequently you're wearing perfume,
with you say, "No special place to go"
But when I ask will you be coming back soon,
you don't know, never know.
Chorus:
Well, I'm a man of many wishes,
I hope my premonition misses,
but what I really feel, my eyes won't let me hide,
cause they always start to cry.
cause it's time could mean goodbye.
2nd Verse:
Lately I've been staring in the mirror,
very slowly picking me apart.
Tryin' to tell myself I have no reason, with your heart.
Just the other night while you were sleeping,
I vaguely heard you whisper someone's name.
But when I ask you of the thoughts you're keeping,
you just say, nothing's changed.
repeat Chorus twice.
Quote of the day
August 27, 2006
"Those that think it permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind." [Austin O'Malley]
